鲜花( 47) 鸡蛋( 0)
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Dress Code: " H+ J( C: N% o& t1 }0 V
1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
6 W, @& F2 ^: X) v% G' p( n2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
4 L# Y+ o5 t0 k" N8 r1 G1 z3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 0 ?0 l# p$ ^! q5 h3 X1 \9 X
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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7 D- G& @8 t3 y! ^Sick Days: 2 L& S q% ?5 K: m! p/ m
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days: * J V4 I# S# S$ c5 d# w
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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Bereavement Leave: . e/ z$ i) H/ B$ J' w
1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. 5 E& ~9 f# Q) }! q
2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
) M f9 @* T0 v4 q" g" P$ H5 p3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.
4 T& R" i2 S4 P% I! b0 t4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. % j+ l! H* H% m
0 L. V; R5 ?( H' p0 KBathroom Breaks:
& M9 f8 K; O$ n; L. R9 s: d1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. , Q3 W: W, Q5 R9 i1 t
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
3 u ^) F- o8 ]3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. 4 n* }) b0 n5 q8 L1 F
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break: 9 N- S7 s% D* W4 e
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
/ {! j' P8 g) j z1 w2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
e6 t& c) L9 `6 O7 G3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. ; h6 b6 N8 j+ M
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
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& B1 S2 ~1 i# U( D6 xThe Management
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2 L7 A9 q" Z/ d# j0 a7 ~Pass this on to all who are employed. |
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