Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
1 m5 }6 r8 ?0 i1 l1 WCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
4 U; F" {4 y7 Q: n4 V* o, yBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

" H( x# W" C. R, ~4 T8 D4 RP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

9 S5 k* e, A8 s" r- TBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; K4 ~! P3 E! u9 r; zSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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6 p# X: K6 M3 E; o) i, `+ V3 q; PSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

. w6 ^3 F2 d) a0 SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

- e' |* H" X1 yFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

$ o' r" \+ |1 N1 a7 C' oWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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# {# Z- j+ B9 ?5 r0 @% C" b9 J7 \& u3 y$ TINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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: B; j; j2 j8 K3 d9 L& n  ~PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
( w4 d1 d. n' q: RWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
' b. x8 y/ \0 QWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
) E9 x5 o# y8 D1 j8 p( h) tBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 E+ m8 L- O1 a! ~4 c/ {# EBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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2 q5 A- [! }& x% AWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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0 C  m8 r- c  bPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
2 b, L( }* y  v. h% n4 C2 A, P4 G                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵