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Dad used to speak about his horizons diminishing when he talked about dying. I understood his perspective as his needs and wants and experiences contracted into ever smaller spheres towards a vanishing point. But I had a different understanding last night when I was sitting with him, saying goodbye. He had slipped in and out of consciousness for the better part of two days, and he was struggling with letting go,Nike Shox 2010, struggling with being easy in his own heart about being without breath. He was struggling with losing the experience of life, any life, even this one which by this time was one suffused with fear and upset as his lungs wrestled with air that offered too much resistance.
I spoke to him for a long time, though he didn’t answer. I don’t know if he heard me, but I like to imagine that I helped him walk over the last ridge toward the shore, the most difficult one. I reminded him about who was standing beside him at this final, most difficult step, wishing him well and thanking him for our enriched lives because of his passion and generosity. I thanked him profusely for the life he gave my brother and I,ugg boots, one filled with magic and laughter and art and books, and a tiny little house which seemed a fairy kingdom full of rich surprise and grew to accommodate the huge life within. He sacrificed himself for us, for all of us: my brother and I were at the top of his list,Nike Air Force 1, followed by his students and co-workers and friends, and lastly whatever remained of his energy and heart he gave to his art, and struggled at times to find any place to fit it in.
I told him that my husband and I watched his grandson Milo tumbling and swinging on a trapeze at a performance during his last day of camp earlier in the afternoon. Later Milo lost his first tooth which had been hanging by a thread for some time, and then he read my husband and I an excerpt about suspension bridges from a book called “How Things Work.” As a result I learned that the longest suspension bridge was in Japan and was almost two and a half miles long; I marveled that Dad lives on in his grandson, this little sweet, funny boy who is as voracious a reader as he, and likely to put my brother and I to shame in the brains department.