找雷锋

apricot · 发表于 2005-12-29 17:14

我有一个国内的大学同学想来UA读研,现在他想找一个热心人能经常帮他改改essay的. 我是能力不够.
我觉得这想法有点理想主义,不管了,贴上来看看也算是努力了.
他的MSN是:chancekang@hotmail.com

Topic:
Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
Mine:
With the development of modern China, the demands in transportation systems are becoming greater and greater. The developments of the economics need better transportation systems, on the other hand, better transportation systems will surely enhance the economics. Considering the current situation. I think the Highways need preferential financing.
As is known to all, connecting cities with highways will greatly reinforce the communication between the cities. More communications means more chances in business, and the highways will cut the cost in transportations during business which is very important to most companies. The cities economics will surely benefit from the construction of highways. For instance, the construction of the highways between Hang Zhou and Shanghai made the trip less than 3 hours which not only stimulated the increase both in the tour industries in Hang Zhou but also the commerce in Shanghai. This highway does good to both of the cities.
I am not going to say that public transportation systems like buses, trains and subways are not important. In fact, they do relieve the pressure of the traffic and protect the environment. A complete public transportation systems acts as a sign of modern cities nowadays. But, which is very obvious, we need money to build these all fancy facilities. As far as I am concerned, this problem will only be solved in one way -- the raise in economics. As the economics flourished, the government will have a bigger budget which allows the improvement in public transportation.
Thus, I think the highways need preferential financing than public transportation as the highway system itself will benefit the cities public transportation systems.

这篇的topic是~~Are games as important for adults as they are for children
It’s for sure that games are as important for adults as they are for children. Game, as an activity shared by all living things, is very important for individuals to learn living skills. My mother always told me to learn through experiencing. I quite agree with that. Playing games is a way of experiencing the world. Children are considered to pick up new things more quickly than adults do. As far as I’m concerned, that’s due to their playing games everyday. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. Involving in games lead to much practices that help to learn fast. In the same vein, this is also true to adults. As most games that adults play include team works, like all those clubs in campus, they do require good skills in communication which is very important during our daily work. For Instance, many companies nowadays are tending to pursuade their employees to play together in their free time. Such activities could improve the relationship between the personels as well as the stuff's abilities during communication. A good atmosphere in the office brings efficiency during works which is exactly the employers' purpose. In addition, playing games itself is a kind of relief. In this information world, people easily get tired after a whole day’s heavy work. As a result, a good way to relieve stress is It’s a really good way to relax oneself by playing games with friends or families instead of watching TV all day long. This activity not only relieves one’s mind but also improves the relationships in his or her family, because playing games is a very relaxing and interesting activity. Take me as an example, I really enjoy playing soccer with my friends in the weekend. I made many friends through playing this kind of game. Playing soccer takes both happiness and friends to me. In all, playing games is such an educational and relaxing activity that should be taken by all people, despite of your age.

晓晓晓晓 · 发表于 2005-12-30 09:21

找雷锋...我觉得放这里他看不见...放别处找来的就不是雷锋了...这个问题比较复杂...

Li2 · 发表于 2005-12-30 11:19

They are TOEFL essays for sure. I think they are traditional Chinese style essays with some skills which was learned in New Oriental School.

They have some mistakes in Grammar and sentence structure problems. I think the last paragraph should be longer in first essay.

apricot · 发表于 2005-12-30 19:29

呵呵,难为学子版的两位版主了.
我代我同学谢谢Li2的热心帮助和指点.

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