Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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: @+ i# ^' N8 U; b0 XCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

# d( ~5 y. Z+ \7 zBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

7 r- `! a% n5 O  d/ e9 vP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

  P" u" e  Z/ D2 ^/ [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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% d- ]& f5 [7 @  ISTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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; y+ ~9 x2 c& `  J/ AFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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/ g: s# U. j& c$ i: eMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

; Z0 a5 n8 f7 a( AWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
+ f$ `$ Q, w3 x0 R' ^/ w5 ?With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
4 ]' Q# F3 c* b, a" x  `5 MWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
) b+ U, a# @1 B0 OBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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  B3 q% Z6 }$ K: r2 lPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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% M  N; c) V) T+ @, A5 n$ F                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵