Modern Definitions

l8eac

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
$ a' i0 [. q8 {0 l3 X
: j* S9 r, d6 ~The following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

, C- Q: c( E+ X4 I  x# c. Z4 [3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
% J3 \; N* B) e% d- ^; e
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

& _- Z, s) ~3 W7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

! j- R2 o/ b3 U" z7 u* }; f) L8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

# v  Q- r6 h' q9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
3 [$ ]* G9 T6 }# S9 G
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

6 B9 `( |) J* t# h  }! B11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
7 U1 x$ u7 w4 U/ b% s2 [# A% M& y: s
14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

& _4 U8 t  u$ g9 I, W% z15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

! e1 B, e2 Q1 [16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.