办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
9 ]& H* c. G% O' s3 w1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
  y& ?. H8 U* n8 r7 ~' I3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
+ h6 r8 I+ Y8 |; P4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

; [7 S9 L0 _; A# Z9 @' RSick Days:
* t" i# C/ b# x) L) ], IWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

  B3 x$ D( m3 `% y! nPersonal Days:
0 X$ f0 }2 F6 R5 Z: D$ U  dEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

, ]' f# D2 C# Y* C- iBereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
, c9 h) p- b9 p2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
" A: [# x; r+ j# b5 z4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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: s: @/ @& q! zBathroom Breaks:
8 p" r3 O6 v/ w- \1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
/ \, h3 R) G! G7 {% e0 u- L% ~3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
" i& x: _- z+ J4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

1 C6 w0 F* m; d( ]7 T- C8 qThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
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Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.