Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
5 I  W9 p9 H0 i6 r' l" p4 ~' b* d1 x+ J& sBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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& i' L9 d% d2 P2 x: s, N& pBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

* f% c, J4 M& }$ zSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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( E- ?! Z1 @1 K! E8 pSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

# G" t! j9 S2 Y; CSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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2 R" P$ K; G: ~7 ^MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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% X3 ~3 Y* d3 o% _7 v/ V+ `YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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9 Y3 ^$ w" u; Z; IINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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7 S8 Z  c& K) oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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* o; M, I, l$ A8 M; B& K1 S, dIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
" A' D) n; \- R% J% j+ RBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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$ {7 S# K& B8 a1 F/ s3 S. Q) OWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵