Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.

) v( S2 K; \& h4 T# a' z; PThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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/ D0 l& X7 }: g  l! N/ W3 K1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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5 ~" }, z' C, L! E: T# @0 Z3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

  m1 `9 S4 y7 y! e8 t. x' t8 I4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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1 y' F/ a# `' y8 x6 X, u7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

$ v1 p) W9 }" ~0 I% V+ j  r9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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- p* Z) {, r6 d$ M2 v14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

4 `  e- |* x% }6 _8 w  j15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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6 i, I- b  [, e  c16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.