my tofel essay, pls. give me advices, thanks a lot

stevelee1971

1. People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
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$ e8 W+ X2 R  g* f- dThere are many reasons for people to go to college or university. In my point of view, People can always get a satisfying salary after graduation from university. According to an investigation of 2003 from statistic bureau of china, 95 percentages of the employees whose annual pay are higher than 30,000 dollars graduated from university or college and hold a variety of degrees, diplomas or certificates.
- Z- @" J" l. S- H3 L, w. AIt is well known that university or college is the ideal place to receive an education. People can study whatever they want to learn. Here, many famous professors teach their professional knowledge to student. Students can also discuss various problems with their professors and get the best answer by themselves. By the process of studying people can acquire many valuable experiences and skills so as to broaden their outlook.
/ L+ U3 k3 K" z1 a" p+ X- W% X3 h( EBesides, it is a better way for people to change their career. Part of people would not really like to do the job which they are doing. For instance, Mara, one of my best friends was a saleswoman but she disliked the job. Since then, she attended a coop course of accounting in the College of George Brown. And now, she got a job in an international corporate as an accounting clerk. Therefore, it is one of effective ways to transform one’s career.

多喝水

annual payment.
+ K0 F( `, Q+ h2 u: T其他不敢讲了，这可是托福作文，我从没参加过的考试啊！

水上村

Five paragraphs are highly recommended in TWE. It is an easy and clear way to show how you organize your points. As this topic, you need one introduction paragraph and one conclusion.  You'd better have one sentence called thesis sentence in the introduction where you can list all your three points. So the reader will know what are expected in the following paragraphs.  The same in the conclusion, give your points again or a suggestion or warning.
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These three paragraphs are pretty good. Nice format, Topic sentence plus support sentences.

stevelee1971

thank u fu bai, however, I think "pay" shoul not be changed to "payment" but "pays". Do u think so?

connie

Agree with 水上村！

linda

up

connie

为什么 不用annual salary 呢， pay一般是指打labour工所得，不过如果想用pay的话， annual pay 这个形式是对的，无需加  "s", 它只是一个整体概念，这样你就需要把系动词 are 改成 is 了 。呵呵，期待共同商讨 :P:D

OliveOil

Originally posted by 水上村 at 2004-11-16 01:15 AM:
  K9 {9 z6 O9 c" q0 dFive paragraphs are highly recommended in TWE. It is an easy and clear way to show how you organize your points. As this topic, you need one introduction paragraph and one conclusion.  You'd better ...

5 d" \& \' h# IThis is absolutely right and extremely improtant. The introduction paragraph, the conclusion paragraph, the thesis sentences in the beginning of each paragraph are strongly recommanded, I would say, required. If you don't write this way, no matter how correct the grammar and words are, you can't get high score. According to what you wrote, you only need to work a little more on your writing style and you will be a success!